Last week I received an #FF that kind of shocked me. For those not familiar with Twitter, #FF is the hashtag (a separate stream of messages on Twitter) short for “Follow Friday”. This is when one user recommends everyone else should follow another user. Often times no reasons are given and occasionally people state why they think an individual (or group) is worthy of being followed.

The particular reason was given on the #FF I was shocked about said:

“#FF to @VIHippieChick: I am intrigued by how friendly, kind, and mellow she is…”

What’s shocking is most of my close family and friends think of me as a stress case. I’m always worrying too much about a variety of things. Mellow is not the word they would normally use to describe me. Friendly and kind seem to be agreeable (at least most of the time, lol).

That said, I suspect the comment was made in reference to the a few nights previous when I received a parking ticket for $30 that I shrugged off while out with the author of the #FF tweet. My friend is well aware I’m a single mom and don’t have tonnes of money. I recall her remarking at how chill I was over the whole thing.

But the tweet and the comment on the ticket got me thinking. Am I mellowing out? Quite possibly. I have spent the last year (with the help of a good friend who happens to be a life coach) truly looking at what it is I want out of life and how to get it. He has even commented once or twice how my decisions in life reflect obvious soul searching.

Still, I am often accused of worrying too much. However, I think that I’m actually worrying less and merely conscious of what’s going on around me. With most situations we all of an ideal outcome. For example, ideally, I want my toddler to learn his ABC’s and numbers as quickly as possible. But I’m not drilling it into him nor having sleepless nights over the fact that most of the other daycare kids are ahead of him in this. Instead, I celebrate the fact that B likes to sing, dance, make people laugh and every chance we get we count and when he’s up for it, we sing the alphabet or play computer games involving the alphabet. He’ll eventually get it. Slowly but surely he is making progress.

That’s not to say I don’t have my moments. I have battled depression for many years and can quickly slip into feeling down about not being “good enough”. Deep down inside I know I’m doing a good job raising B. I know that I have made some mistakes in life but those mistakes aren’t controlling me or preventing me from being everything I can be.

So have I mellowed? Ultimately I think I have. I’m learning to enjoy life in the now; be conscious about how my decisions now can affect the future, and act accordingly. I’ve been able to approach some very sensitive issues with strength and determination like never before, simply because I’m not worried about the outcome but confident I’m doing what’s best for me and/or my family.

It may have taken YEARS, even decades of my mom trying to tell me to stop worrying but I finally am learning how to stop. I am mellowing.

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